It's February 13, 2025. Serena and I just returned from two weeks in Singapore. A long trip/vacation has a waky of shaking me out of stale routines in a way that few other things can. This culminated in the following long journal entry and subsequent development as the day went on.
It is a little obtuse and hard to follow at first. Journal entries are between me and God. They aren't written with necessary context for others to understand. But as this one progressed it became more and more coherent and I think relevant to a larger audience.
Journal Entry: February 12, 2025
I keep thinking about that day when I looked up the ticket prices. It was similar to when I realized Serena should quit [ORGANIZATION NAME]. Both were counterintuitive, unexpected conclusions that none the less led to immediate psychological relief.
Even gathering the monthly sales data from my new book and analyzing it led to a surprising and exciting conclusion that led to new momentum and energy. All of those decisions involved losing money in the short term, but I suspect they will lead to long term financial success. More importantly, they all led to an immediate sense of relief and peace, like they were clearly the right decision.
Other past examples come to mind. When Serena quit blogging for Stewardship.com, and picked up more hours at her psych NP job, that was a counter-intuitive move that led to immediate relief. So was our decision to sell the old house and have her start working from home. So was staying in a comfortable, centrally located hotel in Singapore rather than in her parents' home far on the outskirts of the island. All these decisions cost something: money, extra money in many cases. Or resources: an extra house for use as an office, my perfect peace and quiet, ambitions for my website and business. But all provided much more than they cost in terms of happiness and quality of life.
Buying Stewardship.com might also fit here. Financially it didn't make immediate sense, but it felt like a huge sacrifice of breaking the bottle of pure nard and has committed me to this work like few other things could have. And now I begin to think again about Frank Laubach. Does it make financial sense to acquire the rights and republish his inaccessible book, "You Are My Friends?" Probably not, and yet I am drawn to it.
What is the thread that unites all these decisions?
Systematic List
I had trouble seeing it at first, so I made a more systematic list, separated between money-positive and money-negative decisions.
Money positive decisions:
- Sell the old house, consolidate Serena's office to the new house with me.
- Serena quit Stewardship.com blogging, increase hours at her psych NP job.
- Relent from my decision to quit my academic job because of new and better terms of my employment contract (two times).
Money negative decisions:
- Decide to quit my academic job three times (twice I relented because they gave me a better offer). The third time I finally quit for good.
- Buy the new house, shift my office and then our residence to the new house.
- Serena quit one of her psych NP jobs (the more lucrative one but also the one she felt emotionally, spiritually, and politically out of sync with) and start blogging at Stewardship.com
- Buy the Stewardship.com domain
- Run it as an LLC instead of a nonprofit.
- Fly premium economy (even business class in the future?) and stay in a centrally-located hotel instead of staying (for free) with family in Singapore.
- Home improvement projects, for example, adding a whole house water filter and water softener, and insulating the master bath crawl space, which makes our bathroom much warmer.
- Making a large donation to a mission we believe in.
- Running book ads at a loss, but that nonetheless generates many leads for the business over all.
So what do all these have in common? Some are money positive in the short term, others are money negative in the short term...but over the long term, I suspect all these decisions were, or will, be financially positive.
More importantly they were all _________ positive, but what is the _________? There's some aspect of all these decisions that they have in common that was immediately positive, immediately a relief.
But what is that dimension?
Common Threads
Some common threads that might unite these decisions include
- Alignment with personal values: Quitting a job or role that didn't feel right (e.g., Serena's psych NP job, my academic job).
- Emotional and mental well-being: Decisions like selling the old house, staying in a comfortable hotel, or quitting a stressful job seem to prioritize emotional and mental well-being over short-term financial gains.
- Long-term goals and vision: Many of these decisions might lead to long-term financial success, but also seem to be guided by a sense of purpose and vision for my life and business (e.g., buying Stewardship.com, running book ads at a loss).
- Simplification and clarity: Some decisions, like consolidating workspaces or quitting non-essential commitments, simplify life and bring a sense of clarity and focus.
- Investment in relationships and quality of life: Buying a new house, home improvement, and making donations to missions we believe in all prioritize investing in relationships (e.g., with Serena, church and Christian community) and overall quality of life.
The common thread among these decisions is that they all seem to prioritize aspects beyond short-term financial gain. They're guided by a sense of what's truly important, including values, well-being, long-term goals, and relationships.
These are the aspects that I'm implicitly selecting for. But such decisions can only be made if there is financial margin in the short term. In other words, we are cash-flow positive with funds left over, or we have savings, stocks, or other assets that can be used to finance long-term decisions.
Imagine a graph with two dimensions. One dimension is x = long-term resources (harmony, coherence, and alignment with deepest priorities). The other dimension is y = short-term resources (current financial status such as cash flow and liquid assets). x also represents eternal, heavenly priorities while y represents physical, earthly needs.
The line y=x represents the perfect balance between the two. Maybe it is something like the Tao, the line between Yin and Yang in Jordan Peterson's language, or the straight and narrow path that Jesus talks about.
Detecting Imbalances
How can we detect and correct deviations to one side or the other? What are the signs that too much emphasis has been placed on x? What are the signs that too much emphasis has been placed on y?
Too much emphasis on x (Long-Term focus):
- Financial strain: Neglecting short-term financial responsibilities, such as paying bills or saving for emergencies, in favor of long-term investments or pursuits.
- Over-investing in intangibles: Spending too much time, money, or energy on personal growth, spiritual development, or creative endeavors, while neglecting basic needs and practical responsibilities.
- Disconnection from physical reality: Focusing so intensely on long-term goals and values that I lose touch with my current circumstances, relationships, or bodily needs (e.g., health, nutrition, exercise).
- Unrealistic expectations: Having overly optimistic expectations about the future, leading to disappointment or disillusionment when reality doesn't meet those expectations.
Too much emphasis on y (Short-Term focus):
- Materialism: Prioritizing wealth, status, or material possessions over personal growth, relationships, and long-term values.
- Short-sighted decision-making: Focusing solely on short-term gains or convenience, without considering the potential long-term consequences of actions.
- Lack of purpose or meaning: Feeling unfulfilled or empty, despite having a comfortable financial situation.
- Inability to adapt: Being so focused on maintaining current circumstances that we become inflexible and unable to respond to changes in the environment or our own needs.
By recognizing these signs and taking action to correct the imbalance, we cultivate a deeper sense of balance, clarity, and peace.
Is this worth developing further?
When I mentioned Jordan Peterson's idea of walking the razor-thin line of the Tao, it wasn't exactly clear how that analogy fit. But reading through these signs, I can start to develop the analogy.
x = Yin = Chaos (negative) = Opportunity (positive)
y = Yang = Order (positive) = Stagnation (negative)
The point about "Inability to adapt" is especially telling, as it is a clear sign of an order/routine/culture that has become stagnant and unable to allow any chaos (opportunity) at all.
However, it feels like there is a lot more to explore here. I could even see the black and white regions being flipped (make y=Yin and x=Yang).
What do you think? Does this framework make sense? Which side should be the Chaos vs. Order?
Joseph
